Are you ready to limp?

[cw: surgery, cancer; Disco Elysium spoilers]

I couldn’t move my leg for nine days.

There were so many nurses and surgeons and physiotherapists and none of them seemed to understand this. After a little while I was so desperate to leave the hospital that I stopped trying to explain it. I’d figured out how to get around on crutches using momentum and my hips, but my thigh was just a nothing. It was unresponsive and numb, 72 stitches that I could count by running my fingers over them but couldn’t feel any other way.

There’s a nothingness in the Revachol church. It swallows sound, the same way that a lattice of severed nerves swallow sensation.

You can get shot in Disco Elysium. In the leg. Shivers. [Medium: Success]. You’ve felt this before. A simple pattern recognition: his leg is hurt; my leg is hurt. The situations aren’t the same. He’s a video game character. But it feels important. Urgent. Like waking up from a dream you can’t remember.

Last time was in Kentucky Route Zero. A mine accident.

I haven’t been able to express where it’s left me. It doesn’t feel fair to talk about it. I’m fine now. At least, there’s a 95% chance that I am. So why am I still holding this square peg?

There are no guaranteed rolls in Disco Elysium. Sometimes you have all the skill points in the right place and a nice hat on for the bonus and you still fail. I asked my specialist what I should do to better my odds of avoiding a recurrence. She shook her head. “You didn’t do anything wrong. You just got unlucky.” Snake eyes. You scared off the phasmid. You got cancer at 24.

Getting shot is a big deal. It is only part of a bigger deal. You can carry on with your investigation. The pale still churns at the edge of the world. Getting shot is still a big deal.

Kim Kitsuragi says: “Are you ready to limp?”

Endurance. [Easy: Success]. You keep moving.

Volition. [Heroic: Success]. That doesn’t mean you don’t move differently.

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