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A Child Again

Written in 2011

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She picked meticulously at the grape, removing the peel bit by bit. After an excruciating minute, she inspects the naked fruit. A satisfied smile spreads across her wrinkled face as she finally pops it into her mouth. At age 87, Mdm. Wee Teck Jong is a child again.

Inflicted with the most common type of dementia, patients of Alzheimer’s disease often display several signs like memory loss, erratic changes in mood and personality and disorientation with time and place.

It is evident in Mdm. Wee, who once ate the scraps of leftovers just so her children could have their fill, now refuses to eat her grapes with the skin on.

This is just one of the eccentricities that Mdm. Wee’s family has to get used to, but her son, Mr. Ho, 53, who lives with her believes that every cloud has a silver lining.

He says, “I see this as a blessing in disguise. Our family is much closer and we learned to appreciate the little things in life.”

THE BEGINNING

However, it wasn’t an easy road for the family. Mdm. Wee’s dementia crept in stealthily and took them by surprise.

Mdm. Wee’s eldest daughter, Ms. Ho, 54, recounts her mother’s earliest signs of dementia, “My mother would ask me the same question over and over but we didn’t think much about it because we thought [being forgetful] was part of growing old.”

It was only in 2003 when Mdm. Wee took a heavy fall to the head that her dementia made a turn for the worse.

Doctors concluded that the fall contributed to a large part of her dementia as the blow to her head damaged the left side of her brain causing severe memory loss.

During the hospital stay, Mdm. Wee was so insistent on leaving the hospital bed that they resorted to strapping her body down to the bed to prevent her from wandering around without supervision. This broke her childrens’ heart but they believed it had to be done.

“It hurt that we had to treat my own mother as a prisoner,” says Ms Ho, her eyes glinted with sadness as she recalled the painful memories.

REALISATION

After the arduous hospital stay, Mdm. Wee’s family noticed a huge transformation in her behaviour.

Mr. Ho remembers an incident when his mother’s condition placed the family’s lives at danger.

“There was once when she was boiling water but forgot about it, then I heard a loud ‘pop’ sound from the kitchen and saw that the water had overflowed onto the stove. When I asked my mother if she forgot to turn the stove off but she said that it wasn’t her. I don’t know what would have happened if I wasn’t at home at that time.”

This incident was a wake-up call to the family. It was then that they realised that their mother’s dementia was no longer an issue they could ignore.

Ms. Ho admits, “It was tough coming to terms that my mother was slowly losing her memory. She went from someone I used to look up to someone I now have to look after. But I’m not complaining, she is my mother.”

SECOND CHILDHOOD

Interestingly, much of Mdm. Wee’s behaviour resembles a child’s.

Just like how an infant needs a nanny, the family hired a caregiver in 2004 to care for Mdm. Wee when Mr. Ho goes off to work in the day.

Ms. Normita, 34, from the Philippines remembers her first week with Mdm. Wee, “Last time, she would shout at me saying that I’m only here to steal from her and she even tried to chase me out.”

Over the years, Normita had grown accustomed to Mdm. Wee’s peculiarities, some of which she recalls with a laugh, “Ah ma (fondly referring to Mdm. Wee) likes to hide sweet biscuits in her room that are very hard to find, then when we find it, it’s already moldy.”

Just like a mother who uses the threat of authority to handle her children, Normita has also developed a way to keep Mdm Wee’s behaviour in check.

“When she is naughty and wants to leave the house without permission, we always say, “Mata lai liao!” (The police is here) then she will be very scared and tell us to hide from them.”

Looking around the house, one can tell that great effort has been taken to keep it safe for Mdm. Wee.

Objects like stools and boxes that could cause her to trip and fall are neatly tucked away while sharp objects like scissors and knives are kept out of reach.

Mdm. Wee’s bed, resembling a baby’s cot, is surrounded by a moat of plastic chairs that are attached to bells. Any movement made to these chairs would cause them to ring, alerting the family of her movement.

Seven years of companionship has forged an unbreakable bond between Mdm. Wee and her caregiver, Normita Beronillia, 34, (right).

CLOSER

For the past eight years, Mr. Ho has been taking care of his mother during the weekdays, while Ms. Ho who holds a nine to five job, takes on this responsibility during the weekends. Despite the help from Normita, taking care of Mdm. Wee has clearly taken a toll on the family.

Looking at Mr. Ho, one can see years of sleepless nights embedded into the wrinkles that gather around his eyes. Worry shrouds his vision during the interview, as he constantly looks over to check on his sleeping mother.

“There are times I look at my mother when she is asleep and wonder when she will breathe her last so I have to cherish every moment I spend with her.”

Ms. Ho agrees, “In a way, my mother’s condition has forced us (Her husband and her three children, aged 19, 20 and 25) to spend more time with her, we have dinners and outings as a family more often.”

Despite all that they have faced in the past years, not a single thought of sending Mdm. Wee to an old age home has ever crossed her children’s mind.

“Never,” Mr. Ho. says. “After all my mother has done for us over the years, this is the least I can do for her.”

Amidst the suffering and pain, Mdm. Wee’s dementia is testament to the fact that indeed, there is a love that weathers all.

Advice for Creating a Successful Startup

A Child Again

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