My Biggest College Regret Was My Major

Learning what real failure is and how to bounce back

When we think of “college regret,” we usually think of looking back after graduation and picking out all the things we could have done differently.

But for me, even in the midst of undergrad, I had regrets about the path I was taking.

I was a double-major in English and Music, with a nearly 4.0 GPA, yet I wasn’t happy. I constantly worried if I was majoring in the “right” things.

From a young age, I always knew I wanted to be an English major. I have no regrets about that. It was music I regularly had doubts about.

What started as a superiority complex about playing the piano in high school gradually morphed into crippling impostor syndrome when I got to university. Everyone was so much better than me, and though I loved music, I didn’t have the same deep connection to it that all of my peers seemed to have. Yet I felt obligated to push myself through hours of practice every day, just because seventeen-year-old me resolved to major in piano performance in college.

Practice is a necessarily evil for even the most passionate, prodigious of musicians, but for the most part, I saw practice as more of a burden than a boon.

Every time I considered dropping the major, I remembered that I paid years’ worth of money in lessons — or rather, my parents did — so unless I made something of myself from music, it would be money wasted, and my parents would be the first to remind me of that.

I didn’t yet understand that childhood music lessons don’t have to continue into college or else be rendered “a waste of time and money.” Music lessons foster all kinds of skills apart from music, such as discipline, focus, and good work ethic. It wouldn’t have been a “waste” if I walked away from music and took these other lessons with me to pursue something else in college. By the time I realized this, however, I was already halfway through my degree, preparing for a solo recital, and way in over my head.

Another reason I hesitated to switch majors was that I was afraid of somehow disappointing the music professors I worked closest with. I’ll always be grateful and flattered that they believed in me, but I foolishly took that belief to mean that they saw some great potential in me that I would be squandering if I dropped the music major. I reasoned — well, if I just practice and study enough, I’ll be able to reach this potential, and then it’ll all be worth it. So I doubled down, desperate to please, blind to my true feelings.

So I pressed on. The years leading up to my junior recital were some of the most stressful days of my life. The recital itself was one of the proudest moments of my life. But every year since then, I’ve been spiraling aimlessly, harboring this regret. These days the question I ask myself most is, “Why did I chain my entire college experience — the first years of my adult life — to a poorly-informed decision I made as a teenager?”

It’s been over two years now since I graduated. These two years of working, reading, and writing on my own — not as a student— have taught me more about myself than all four years of college combined.

My main regret now is that majoring in music took away so many opportunities for growth in other areas of my life: socially, educationally, professionally, and personally. Not because of the music itself, but because of the immense time and effort it required of me. My work/life balance was shot. Ultimately, I don’t consider locking myself in a practice room for three hours everyday to learn the craft of piano performance to have been worth missing out on these other areas of my life.

Harsher truths have since revealed themselves. I never had a concrete end goal when it came to getting a music degree. I didn’t specifically want to become a performer, composer, or teacher. I simply went through the motions of a music major and hoped that something would present itself at the end of all that effort. I could have just taken music classes or minored instead of majoring in it, but instead I stubbornly stuck to my plan. Ironically, the plan wasn’t a very good one.

The greatest lesson I learned from majoring in music actually has nothing to do with music. Instead, it’s this:

A given for many, I’m sure, but these are words I longed to hear as a college student.

As a misfit in high school, I was desperate to find a place where I belonged. So desperate that I jumped headfirst into my interests — English and music — without considering whether studying both in an academic setting would actually be right for me. They simply had to be. My plans had to work out, or else I would feel like a failure. And “failure” was the one thing I couldn’t allow to become a part of my identity.

I know now that people change — plans change. I was so used to things more or less going my way that once I was confronted with the uncomfortable reality of needing to change, I ignored it. I wouldn’t have been a failure if I just acknowledged that I was wrong.

If you’re going through something similar — stuck in a role that you feel obligated rather than passionate to continue— I feel your pain. But if you take away anything else from this story, let it be this: once you realize something isn’t right for you, get out of it as soon as you can. Most likely, it won’t get better the longer you stick around. Trust me, I’ve tried.

And when it comes to your goals and life path, trust your instincts. Although I excelled in my music classes, deep down I knew the major wasn’t right for me. But I ignored this feeling because I falsely believed that my professors wanted me to fulfill some grand vision they had, that of the star musician/music scholar. Again, I was just projecting, overestimating my potential because I didn’t want majoring in music to be another “waste.”

Now I’m scrambling to pick up the pieces of my life, but at least this time, I’m taking those pieces into my own hands.

Finding out you majored in the wrong thing in college is not the end of the world. In fact, it’s the perfect opportunity to finally start learning the things you want — things that will actually help you achieve the kind of future you envision. Plenty of people go into fields that have nothing to do with what they majored in.

So I’m not saying that my life would be better now if I had double-majored in English and something else other than music. Who’s to know? Maybe it would be worse. Maybe it would be exactly the same. But I do believe I would have at least grown more as a person (specifically, into someone more resilient after being proven wrong) and been happier with my college experience.

However, taking this first step towards letting go of my regret — learning from it instead of brooding over it — also brings me happiness. Even if it did take over two years to get here.

I gave myself time to find peace. And wherever you are in life, I hope you do, too.

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